The ground beneath you crumbles twice, not once. Losing both parents close together can feel like a silent storm, overwhelming and disorienting.

This compounded grief signifies not only the loss of two loved ones but also the unsettling realization of your own mortality and the part of your identity that vanishes with them.

Amidst this profound sorrow, there’s a path to healing and understanding. This guide offers solace, strategies, and resources to navigate the overwhelming grief of losing both parents.

You’ll carry their love forward, even as a new path emerges in the shadow of their absence.

Losing Both Parents Close Together

It’s a seismic shift when grieving losing both parents. Parents are the cornerstone of our childhood and the architects of our identity. The loss resonates on multiple levels:

• The absence of those "above us" is like losing the foundation upon which we’ve built our lives
• The disappearance of a part of our personal history
• The unique connection to childhood that fades
• The loss extends to grandchildren, who lose the irreplaceable love and stories only grandparents provide

This complex emotional terrain can be overwhelming, but insights can guide a path to peace.

Take Time to Grieve and Heal

Grieving both parents is deeply personal, with no set timeline. Understanding the five stages of grief can help navigate the journey:

• From denial to intense longing to eventual acceptance — stages are non-linear and personal
• Give yourself grace; moving forward is a tribute, not a betrayal

Reference: On Grief & Grieving by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross & David Kessler

How to Cope with Parents’ Death

"Loss is not as heavy as guilt, but it takes more out of you," writes Veronica Roth in Insurgent. Coping strategies include:

1. Don’t minimize the loss: Your grief is valid.
2. Acknowledge your emotions: Allow yourself to feel the range of emotions.
3. Take a break to heal: Step back and mourn.
4. Keep your parents close: Memorabilia can offer comfort.
5. Reach out to loved ones: Share grief with family and friends.
6. Seek professional counseling: Grief counselors or books can provide guidance.
7. Forgive: Earnest forgiveness, whether for parents or yourself, can aid healing.
8. Focus on positive, future-oriented projects: Forward-looking activities provide hope.

Adults losing parents may experience unique challenges as “adult orphans,” including identity shifts and isolation.

Recommended books:

1. On Grief and Grieving by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross & David Kessler
2. Healing After Loss by Martha Whitmore Hickman
3. The Orphaned Adult by Alexander Levy

Building a Support Network

Sharing grief is essential. Tips include:

• Connect with friends, family, or support groups
• Share experiences with those who’ve faced similar losses

"Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled."

Honoring Their Memory

Keeping parents’ legacy alive can be therapeutic. Ideas include:

• Create a memory book
• Plant a garden in their honor
• Continue a cherished tradition

Reference: Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami

Conclusion

Losing both parents is uniquely challenging, but you don’t have to walk alone. By honoring their memory and embracing your grief, you can heal, find peace, and regain perspective.

Support Services

United States:

• The Compassionate Friends
• GriefShare
• BetterHelp

United Kingdom:

• Cruse Bereavement Care
• Grief Encounter
• BetterHelp