Losing Both Parents Close Together and Coping with Grief

The ground beneath you crumbles twice, not once. Losing both parents close together can feel like a silent storm, overwhelming and disorienting.

This compounded grief not only signifies the loss of two loved ones but also marks the unsettling realization of your own mortality and the significant part of your identity that vanishes with them. 

But amidst this profound sorrow, there’s a path to healing and understanding. This guide is a compassionate companion, offering solace, strategies, and resources to help navigate through the overwhelming grief of losing both parents.

You’ll carry their love forward, even as a new path in the shadow of their absence slowly emerges.

Losing Both Parents Close Together

It’s a seismic shift when grieving losing both parents. Parents are the cornerstone of our childhood and the architects of our identity. It’s a loss that resonates on multiple levels:

• The absence of those “above us” is like losing the foundation upon which we’ve built our lives
• The disappearance of a part of our personal history
• The unique connection to our childhood that fades
• This loss extends to grandchildren, who lose the irreplaceable love and stories only grandparents provide 

As the grief comes and goes, drowning us in suffocating sorrow and engulfing us in ostensible calm, we’ll offer insights into this complex emotional terrain to find a path to peace.

Take Time to Grieve and Heal

When both parents die, grieving the loss is a deeply personal journey with no set timeline. 

Understanding the 5 stages of grief is crucial in this process. Each stage represents a critical step in coming to terms with your loss. 

• From the numbness of denial,  to intensely missing parents who passed away, to the eventual acceptance, these stages are not linear but a reflection of your personal healing journey.
• Give yourself the grace to grieve and remember that moving forward is a tribute to their memory, not a betrayal of their loss.

According to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her seminal book “On Grief & Grieving,” [UK Version of Book] the stages of grief are a framework that helps us understand our emotions as we navigate loss.

Reflecting on these stages can provide comfort and a sense of order in the chaos of grief. All the same, understanding them intellectually and integrating them within are two different processes. The latter usually takes longer to happen.

Here are a few pointers on how our perspective can help the grieving process.

How to Cope with Parents’ Death

“Loss is not as heavy as guilt, but it takes more out of you,” writes Veronica Roth in her book “Insurgent.” This poignant reminder underscores the importance of addressing and processing our emotions during grief.

Coping with the death of both parents is an intense challenge, but there are strategies to help:

1. Don’t minimize the loss — Your grief is valid and profound. Acknowledge its full impact.
2. Acknowledge your emotions — You’ve lost a part of your very being. Allow yourself to feel this range of emotions.
3. Take a break to heal — Healing requires time and space. Step back from normalcy and allow yourself to mourn.
4. Keep your parents close — Memorabilia can be a comforting connection to your parents, honoring their memory.
5. Reach out to loved ones — Reconnecting with family can provide mutual support and a shared space for mourning.
6. Seek professional counseling — Guidance from a grief counselor or resources like books on grief can offer comfort and direction.
7. Forgive — More often than not, relationships with our parents are complex and multifaceted. Earnest forgiveness, whether for your parents or yourself, can be a powerful step toward healing.
8. Focus on positive, future-oriented projects — Engaging in forward-looking activities can provide hope and a sense of purpose.

It is important to understand that none of the above coping strategies works in isolation. Rather, turn to them when you feel the need to, depending on your needs and emotional instincts.

Another distinct aspect, if both parents died, is that individuals become adult orphans. Indeed, adults may be somewhat better equipped to deal with parental loss than young children, but the intensity of the loss shouldn’t brushed aside. Maturity and additional responsibilities don’t account fully for the massive gap left behind.

Such profound loss brings with it the unique psychological effects of being an orphan. It can lead to a deep sense of isolation and identity crisis, as the adult navigates grief and the redefinition of self in the absence of their familial roots.

Here are a selected few books on grief and coping:

1. “On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss“ by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler. Understanding the five stages of grief, with insights into the grieving process [UK Edition On Grief and Grieving]
2. “Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief“ by Martha Whitmore Hickman. Daily thoughts and meditations for those who are grieving, offering comfort and wisdom to move forward after loss. [UK Edition Healing After Loss]
3. “The Orphaned Adult: Understanding And Coping With Grief And Change After The Death Of Our Parents“ by Alexander Levy. Exploring the profound impact of losing parents in adulthood. [UK Edition The Orphaned Adult]

Building a Support Network

One of the most crucial aspects of coping with the loss of both parents is building a strong support network. Taking time for yourself and grieving in private is often necessary, but it should be balanced by sharing the grief with those close to you and your parents.

• Connect with friends, family, or support groups who understand what you’re going through.
• Sharing your feelings and experiences with others who have faced similar losses can provide comfort and a sense of solidarity.

“Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled,” a proverb wisely states. The healing power of community and shared experience is not to be underestimated.

Honoring Their Memory

Honoring the memory of your parents can be a therapeutic act, helping you to keep their legacy alive.

Here are a few ideas that can help you integrate your grief into a transformative, lasting experience that keeps their memory alive: 

• Create a memory book
• Plant a garden in their honor
• Continue a tradition they cherished

These acts of remembrance can serve as a comforting connection to your parents and a way to celebrate their lives.

As author Haruki Murakami wrote in “Kafka on the Shore,” “Memories warm you up from the inside. But they also tear you apart” [UK Version of “Kafka on the Shore”]. Balancing the warmth of memories with the pain of loss is a delicate part of the grieving process.

Conclusion

The human spirit is hugely resilient, and, hopefully, this guide has offered hope and strategies for those navigating this difficult path and how to deal with losing a parent. 

If you feel you need additional support during this difficult time, here are support services you can reach out to:

United States:

1. The Compassionate Friends – Assists families in the positive resolution of grief following the death of a child and provides information to help others be supportive.
2. GriefShare – A friendly, caring group of people who will walk alongside you through one of life’s most difficult experiences.
3. BetterHelp – Offers access to licensed, trained, experienced, and accredited psychologists, marriage and family therapists, clinical social workers, and board-licensed professional counselors online.

United Kingdom:

1. Cruse Bereavement Care – Offers support, advice, and information to children, young people, and adults when someone dies, and works to enhance society’s care of bereaved people. 
2. Grief Encounter – Provides support services for bereaved children and young people, offering a flexible and accessible bereavement service.
3. BetterHelp – Offers access to licensed, trained, experienced, and accredited psychologists, marriage and family therapists, clinical social workers, and board-licensed professional counselors online.

Losing both parents close together is a uniquely challenging journey, but it’s one that you don’t have to walk alone. By honoring their memory and embracing your grief, you’ll be taking the first steps toward healing, finding peace, and readjusting your perspective on life and your place in the world.