Planning a Stillborn Funeral and 5 Memorial Ideas

Losing a child, especially to stillbirth, is an unimaginable pain for any parent. Sadly, the feeling of helplessness and injustice, crushed hopes, and intense grief enter many lives. Around 1.9 million stillbirths happen each year with a global rate of 13.9 per 1,000 births. 

A stillborn funeral or memorial service is not an easy thing to deal with because of the intense emotional toil that clouds judgment and severely strains mental resilience.

While some seek closure and tribute through traditional services, others opt for different coping mechanisms for child loss. Many funeral homes offer complimentary or reduced-cost services, understanding the emotional toll of stillbirth. 

In this blog, we’ll explore the process of planning a stillborn funeral and five meaningful options for memorials that could provide closure and a sliver of comfort.

What Is a Stillborn or Newborn Funeral Service?

The loss of a child is a gut-wrenching experience. The ways of coping with grief are less efficient because of the pervasive sense of injustice for a life snuffed out so early.

The decision of whether and how to hold an infant funeral service is tough and there is no right answer. Funeral or memorial services are ways to pay respect to the departed spirit and also bid it farewell, gaining a sense of closure, which is an important step toward healing.

But before making specific plans, one should know the legalities of stillbirth.

In the US, UK, and Canada, a baby is considered stillborn in case of death after 24 weeks of pregnancy. The loss of a baby before this period is regarded as a miscarriage.

For the after-death arrangements of a child, consider these three options with different levels of involvement:

• Arranged by the hospital — Many hospitals offer basic funeral or cremation services at little to no cost. That could be a huge weight off your shoulders during a difficult time, despite the limited personalization options of such ceremonies.
• Funeral homes — Funeral homes can guide you through every step, from choosing a tiny casket to selecting readings and music for the ceremony. This is comforting and supportive during difficult times. Some funeral homes charge next to nothing for stillborn and newborn funerals.
• By yourself — Although difficult, some families plan a simple and intimate service themselves. This allows complete control over every detail but also demands a significant emotional investment during an already challenging time. The other side of the coin is that rendering a final act of care helps with closure and healing, however emotionally taxing the process itself may be.

Out of the three funeral options listed above, the hospital funeral of a stillborn usually is the least personalized, even though that varies from one hospital to the next.

Burial Options for a Newborn Baby

What happens after a stillbirth is a matter of personal choice.

There are several burial options that bring a varying degree of control over proceedings. And while being more involved may bring a greater sense of peace and solace further down the road, it is also emotionally taxing.

Here are the most common funeral options for a stillborn or newborn.

Hospital Funeral or Cremation

Medical institutions often provide services like stillborn funerals or cremations to manage the final arrangements for deceased patients. 

They handle various logistical aspects like paperwork, and transportation, and coordinate with funeral homes and crematoriums. In some cases, the medical center may have its own crematorium.

More often than not, hospital arrangements mean giving up control over the process without being able to arrange it independently. 

Here’s how they work:

• Hospitals typically provide both shared and individual services, with shared being a common option. 
• Shared services include communal cremations or burials. However, individual arrangements allow more personalized options. 
• In some cases, hospitals provide free cremation for babies as a part of their compassionate care services. 
• The costs for other arrangements depend on the hospital’s policies and additional services.

Hospital Funeral Ceremony

What do hospitals do with stillborn babies? While hospitals don’t typically conduct complete burial ceremonies on-site, chaplains are available to comfort the grieving. 

They also hold a brief memorial service for the families experiencing stillborn loss. These services are meaningful and acknowledge the baby’s life to begin the grieving process. 

Traditional or Direct Funeral

Another stillborn option is a traditional funeral with a direct burial. 

Traditional funerals are deeply personal, allowing people to honor their deceased loved ones in unique ways. 

However, a high level of personalization often comes with a higher price than direct burials. The latter is a simpler and more economical alternative for planning a memorial service or an event. 

Then again, many funeral homes arrange free or heavily discounted burials for stillborns and newborns, to ease the financial and emotional burden during these difficult times. 

Cremation Services for Stillborns

For a stillbirth, cremation services are another possibility for laying your baby to rest. 

The baby cremation cost varies depending on your location and the funeral home or even the crematorium you choose. It may be free at the hospital or the local crematorium.

Some providers also offer special discounts or arrangements for infant cremations.

Planning the Funeral Service for a Stillborn

There are no one-size-fits-all approaches to infant funeral services. 

The focus always stays on honoring and grieving the baby, be it for a small and intimate gathering or a larger service with the extended family. 

The ceremony can be organized as per the parents’ wishes. 

• Some choose to have readings, poems, or even musical pieces to reflect feelings. 
• Sharing memories, no matter how small, is a powerful way of acknowledging the baby’s existence. 
• Planting a tree or donating to a charity in the baby’s name to create a lasting tribute. 
• Some families find placing letters, keepsakes, or mementos in the casket comforting.

Ultimately, the service must create a space for grieving parents and loved ones to find solace and remember their child.

Memorial Ideas for a Stillborn Child

While words can’t ease the pain of losing a child, a stillborn memorial service is perfect for honoring their brief existence. 

Let’s explore some ideas for this ceremony to create a lasting memory for you and your loved ones. 

Candlelight Vigil

Candlelight vigils honor the memory of your child lost to stillbirth with grace. 

Held annually or on a special date, this gathering lets the families and loved ones grieve together and find comfort in shared commemoration. 

It’s a powerful stillborn memorial ritual.

Create an Altar

A memorial altar for a stillborn child is a meaningful commemoration. You can choose to include elements like soft candles, delicate blooms, and meaningful trinkets in it. 

Baby urns are the focus, holding a meaningful token or keepsake. This altar, temporary or not, is a space for remembrance and reflection, offering solace and comfort.

Create a Memorial Fund for Donations

Writing a baby obituary is heartbreaking, but is also an opportunity to create a lasting legacy. Include a sentence about a memorial fund established in the child’s name. 

This fund may be given to charity the parents find valid. Causes related to infant health and loss are apt choices.

Use gentle phrases like “In lieu of flowers” or “Donations in the baby’s memory” to encourage contributions.

Transform the Ashes of the Stillborn into a Precious Stone

Miscarriage funeral services can honor your loss, but some parents prefer lasting memorials. 

Cremation ashes aren’t always an option in miscarriage cases, but there are alternatives. 

You may include pregnancy tissue, like a lock of hair, for instance, into memorial jewelry as a way to keep your baby close.

Scatter the Ashes

While considering scattering ashes after a funeral service for an infant, choose a meaningful location. 

Scattering them on your property may seem comforting, but keep in mind that circumstances change. You may eventually move. 

Alternatively, you may opt for locations that are significant as well as easily accessible. They could be beaches, serene gardens, or even parks. 

Such locations will ensure paying respects to your loved one with a hint of flexibility for the future. 

How to Cope with Stillborn Grief: Support and Resources

The emotional toll of stillbirth is immense; coping with grief alongside physical recovery is a challenge no parent should face alone.

It is crucial to recognize the effects of stillbirth on mothers. Mothers go through major hormonal fluctuations, and physical changes during postpartum in the week following birth. 

This adds to the feeling of dejection and sorrow due to the grief. To ease the financial and emotional burdens, some organizations assist with the infant funeral costs and professional support. 

Here are a few organizations that provide invaluable assistance and guidance for coping with grief:

• March of Dimes (US)
• Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support (US)
• MISS Foundation (US) 
• Star Legacy Foundation (US)
• Sands (UK)
• The Miscarriage Association (UK)
• The Lullaby Trust (UK) 
• 4Louis (UK)

They provide resources like grief counseling, support groups, and even online communities offering emotional support for stillborn loss. 

Conclusion

Planning a meaningful stillborn funeral lets the grieving parents create a lasting tribute to their deceased child. 

It adds elements of both current practices, like personalized readings or music, and traditional cultural perspectives, which honor the child’s spirit.

Whether it’s a small gathering of loved ones or a more formal ceremony, these services allow bereaved families to heal, in the memory of their deceased child.